Madly in love with my Husband Adam and proud Mama to our son Brodie James Basil & our rainbow, Ari Rupert. Here you will find me chasing happiness & surviving life after Baby loss.

Thanks for stopping by.

Mrs Carrick x

Tuesday, 3 April 2018

I can't be fixed.

This is my story in brief. In June 2015 I had my first born child Brodie, In May 2016 I married my childhood sweetheart. In June 2016 I fell pregnant with our honeymoon baby, In August 2016 I miscarried at 9 weeks. In November 2016 I fell pregnant again. In February 2017 I gave birth to our first born baby girl at 18 weeks, at home. In my bathroom. In May 2017 I fell pregnant again. In September 2017 I gave birth to our second born baby girl, again at 18 weeks. I nearly died. It was traumatic for my family and myself. In January 2018 I unexpectedly fell pregnant. In March 2018 I miscarried again at 10 weeks.

Four miscarriages in a row. Two early. Two late.

For what reason? Unknown.

I may smile, I may laugh and I may look like I'm okay but I'm not. Im broken in a million different ways. Everyday I wake up and wish it was just a bad dream. Because this kind of stuff only happens in your nightmares right?

Pfttt I wish. To me... this is reality.

The thing is baby loss can't just be solved. I can't just have another baby. I can't just change something and solve the problem.

If you hate your job you quit. If your unhappy in your relationship you leave. If your car breaks you fix it.

Losing a baby is something that can't just be fixed or solved.

Next time your struggling ask yourself  'what can I do to make this better? ' Because if you can, Damn it. Do something about it.

Because losing a baby can't be fixed, nor can it be solved. 

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