Madly in love with my Husband Adam and proud Mama to our son Brodie James Basil & our rainbow, Ari Rupert. Here you will find me chasing happiness & surviving life after Baby loss.

Thanks for stopping by.

Mrs Carrick x

Sunday, 20 August 2017

Pregnancy After Loss; Its A...........

I am super excited to announce that Baby Number three is a beautiful baby girl. 

Despite this being a completely different pregnancy to Brodie's I was still pretty convinced this baby was a boy! I think in my head I've always imagined myself as a mum to boys but this is all about to change and I couldn't be happier!

Finding out the gender was the happy ending we needed to this week. On Tuesday I had a small bleed which if you followed me during my last pregnancy will know is possibly the worst thing that could happen to us. Despite my consultant scanning baby and not finding a reason for the bleed my fears and worries have not stopped.

On Friday I decided to ring my lovely midwife at Maidstone Hospital and ask if our 16 week scan could be brought forward by a few days. I just needed that piece of mind and reassurance that everything was okay .

She said of course I will scan you, and I'll still scan you next week if you want! She is honestly so, so lovely and just seems to understand the reason behind my anxiety and the need to be reassured constantly.

Unfortunately Adam couldn't make the scan so I took my Mum along with me. She loved it and was fascinated by all the arms, legs and hands. Whilst we were being scanned I cheekily asked when she would be able to tell the sex. She said I could tell you know but your Husbands not here!

My heart skipped a beat at the thought of finally finding out who's joining our little family so we agreed for her to write it in an envelope which she sealed firmly shut ready for me to open with Mr C when I got home.

I was so, so nervous! I text Mr C a picture of the scan and the envelope which read surprise and his reply was 'Oh shit, this feels so real now'.

Finding out feels like a big step when pregnant after loss. Its so scary allowing your head and your heart to get carried away. We debated not opening for a few more weeks but the temptation was too strong.

The reaction of Mr C finding out he was having a baby girl will stay with me forever. He shouted at the top of his voice! It was an amazing moment and a moment I feel we both deserved.

However, the most important thing about the scan is knowing baby is happy, growing perfectly and there is absolutely no sign of any bleeding. Hopefully it was just a minor blip and our last scare!

My consultant has also agreed to start me on Progesterone pessaries to help prevent pre-term labour. Although this is scary and I will be on them for the rest of the pregnancy, I feel reassured that we have a plan and something is being done to try and prevent me losing this baby.

Pregnancy after loss is so bloody exhausting! You rarely have moments of excitement and happiness but finding out Brodie is going to have a baby sister was just amazing! I really hope the excitement lasts but I know deep down fear and anxiety will win and take that away from me.

This baby is incredibly precious and I have a horrible gut feeling that they will be the final piece to our family puzzle. Im not sure I can go through the stress of another pregnancy, despite always longing for four children, I'm beginning to face reality that this baby girl will probably be my last baby. A very bittersweet feeling as I feel its a decision taken out of my hands and it makes this pregnancy extra, extra special.

All I want more than anything in the world is to bring this baby girl home with me.

Thank you for reading
Mrs Carrick xo

Update, My precious baby girl was born on the 3rd of September 2017 at 18 weeks. Another Angel for the sky.... 

Post a Comment