Madly in love with my Husband Adam and proud Mama to our son Brodie James Basil & our rainbow, Ari Rupert. Here you will find me chasing happiness & surviving life after Baby loss.

Thanks for stopping by.

Mrs Carrick x

Sunday, 16 July 2017

Life After Pregnancy Loss; A man's perspective

One thing I have found since being on this pregnancy loss journey is how easy it is for the men to be forgotten about. Everyone is so quick to ask how the woman is that it never crosses their mind that two people have just lost a baby not just one.  My Husband has agreed to write a post describing his experience of pregnancy loss and what he struggled with the most. I know he still finds it really hard to talk about let alone think about so Im really proud he has agreed to this!

As always Thank you for reading,
Mrs Carrick x


The hardest part of losing Baby was the thought of Brodie never having a brother or sister. For me I have always wanted children and I never wanted a big age gap. I found myself constantly comparing the age gap between other people's children and wondering whether we would ever be able to have another child or whether we would have to accept the fact we could only have the one. I also felt a huge pressure to give Sarah what she wanted and that was a baby and it made me angry that we were in this situation.

I also hated seeing Sarah so upset. It was so hard seeing the person you love the most so distraught knowing there was nothing that I could do to help. Nothing I could do could help her feel better and for her she had the physical connection, she carried the baby, she felt their kicks and she gave birth naturally so she naturally felt really empty and something which only she could feel.

Whilst in hospital we had to discuss our wants and wishes regarding babies funeral and post mortem. I really struggled to accept what had happened and to begin with didn't want to believe we had just lost our Baby. I didn't want a memory box from the hospital, I didn't want to attend the funeral and I didn't want to collect the ashes. Of course Sarah felt really differently about that and therefore planned the funeral by herself. It wasn't until the day before when I spoke to the Chaplin on the phone that I agreed I was ready to attend the funeral. Although it was one of the hardest things I have ever done I am so glad that I did and I felt like I had the closure I needed.

As a man you automatically take on the role of being supportive and feel as if you have to hold it all together. I felt I needed to take control of the situation and support Sarah as much as possible as well as looking after our son, managing a business and going to work.

Since everything has happened I find there are reminders at home of what has happened and what we have lost. The shock and trauma of seeing my Wife give birth to my child on the bathroom floor will stay with me forever. Seeing the person you love in huge amounts of pain and not being able to do anything to help is unbearable. The whole thought of it is still very raw and I'm still not ready to talk about it properly.

Overall losing Baby has changed my life and who I am as a person. It has brought me and Sarah closer, it has made us stronger and her bravery makes me the proudest Husband.

Thanks for reading,
Mr C 

Post a Comment