Madly in love with my Husband Adam and proud Mama to our son Brodie James Basil & our rainbow, Ari Rupert. Here you will find me chasing happiness & surviving life after Baby loss.

Thanks for stopping by.

Mrs Carrick x

Thursday, 29 June 2017

Life After Pregnancy Loss; Results

last week we met with our consultant to discuss my final blood tests results. I never blogged about our first meeting with the consultant as I could never get the words together. I was such an emotional mess and I wasn't in a very good place at that time. 

Long story short, after giving birth I had a lot of tests done to try and find a reason behind spontaneously going into labour. One of my blood tests came back as borderline positive for something called Lupus Anticoagulant . This is a blood clotting disorder which can affect your pregnancy in different ways. The good news is that if I have Lupus there is treatment available which involves taking aspirin and blood thinner injections daily. The treatment increases the chances of you having a live baby from 10-70%. 

The downside? I had to wait 5 weeks before I could have the test to confirm it as the blood tests had to be completed 12 weeks apart. Last month I had the test done so have recently been waiting for the results. It's been such an emotional rollercoaster dealing with the uncertainty. 

Last week we learnt that the tests have come back as negative. Which is amazing news but why am I still so sad? 

Having this negative results means that we have no real answer behind losing Baby Carrick. I'm trying to get my head around it all. Of course it's amazing news not to have the blood clotting disorder, but with no real answers surely that means it could happen again!? 

I'm not sure 'Bad Luck' is a good enough reason behind losing my Baby and I'm not sure it's something I will ever get over. My body let them down end off.

I really wanted this to be the end of the chapter. But I just can't seem to shut the book without knowing what would have caused my placenta abruption. It worries me that with no diagnosis and no treatment it could all just happen again? 

I've been having a bit of a social media break, a break away from all the baby bumps and pregnancy announcements. It's so, so hard knowing that it should be me and I should be a few weeks away from holding my baby. 

Friday, 16 June 2017

Brodie James Basil Turns Two!

I honestly cannot believe I am sat here writing a post about my TWO year old. The second year has gone by even faster than the first and Im in shock as to where the time has gone!

I look back at pictures of B as a tiny little newborn, so small and perfect and find it hard to imagine him ever being so small. He has never been a small child for his age and is often mistaken for being nearer 3 than 2. Since about 6 months, Brodie has been high on the percentile and at one year was on the 99th percentile for height and weight. I believe he will probably still be on the 99th percentile at his two year check as he towers above the rest of his peers.

In the last 12 months we have watched Brodie grow from from a baby into a little boy. He is so funny, cheeky and full of character. His personality has to be one of my favourite things about him. He makes me laugh everyday, is so so social and confident, especially around older children but at the same time so loving and affectionate. He loves his cuddles with his Mumma saying 'Cuggle' and loves a kiss! The first thing he does when he says goodbye is wave and pout ready to Kiss you! Its really the cutest thing!

The last year has been a roller coaster for us as parents and we have had to go through some of the toughest times as a family. We feel beyond lucky and blessed to have Brodie. Our little Miracle. He has kept us going on some of the hardest days. He's always able to sense when something is wrong which means we have to be extra careful around him but it also means he has a good sense of emotion and knows when I need that extra bit of loving!

Developmental wise he has come on leaps and bounds. His communication and language has to be one of his biggest improvements. He just does not stop talking!!!!! My sister looked after him recently whilst we were at a Wedding. When I next saw her she said do you ever get a break from his talking, apparently he just didn't stop all day even in the car! He's beginning to put words together to make sentences which is absolutely adorable! His vocabulary just keeps on growing and he surprises me with new words everyday. Even if he doesn't know a word he will try his best to say it!

He has always been a really physical child. Although he never crawled he walked fairly quickly. He has been riding his scooter with confidence from around 20 months and is honestly incredible on it. He is so confident and gains so much speed he zooms around! He is such a climber too and never too afraid to climb some of the biggest claiming frames. His improvement in swimming is crazy. He spends more time out my arms than he does in my arms. His independent swimming is coming on leaps and bounds and we are so lucky to attend a lovely little swimming school.

His love for the outdoors grows everyday! As parents we think its so so important for children to explore the world and get outside. Every weekend without fail we will go on an outdoor adventure whether its raining or sunny. We have created some of the most amazing family memories. He is lucky to have two gardens and spends all day outside playing with his trucks, on his ride ons, football or with his water table. For his birthday we have brought him a small trampoline and although it will probably take up most of the garden, it will be so worth it.

His favourite things are animals, tractors, trains and diggers! He loves a day out on the farm or just out in the country side spotting different animals and finding tractors. His love for Moana the disney film grows everyday. I have lost count how many times he has watched the film. He is obsessed, so much so we have to listen to it in the car!

Overall he is the happiest little boy I have ever met and I am so proud to call him mine!

Brodie James Basil, you are so loved, so adored and the best part of my life. I cannot wait to see what you will bring our little family over the next year. I cannot wait to watch you grow but always know however big you may get, you will never be too old for Mumma cuddles. Keep smiling, stay healthy and know you are always loved. 

All My Love,