Madly in love with my Husband Adam and proud Mama to our son Brodie James Basil & our rainbow, Ari Rupert. Here you will find me chasing happiness & surviving life after Baby loss.

Thanks for stopping by.

Mrs Carrick x

Monday, 27 March 2017

Baby Carrick's Funeral

On Friday the 24th of March we had Baby Carrick's funeral. Another day and another date I wont ever be forgetting.

The funeral was only small and attended by both our parents, Brodie, my big brother and my best friend Kaytie. It meant so much to have them there with us. They kept us together and stopped us from crumbling.

I cannot explain how hard it is to arrange a funeral for your own baby. I didn't know where to begin, its something that a mother should never have to do. I googled 'how to plan a babies funeral' In hope that something would come up. The Chaplin suggested we choose a reading and some music for the service. I then choose some flowers and wrote my baby a letter which I lay next to the coffin before the funeral began.

I spent hours searching for the perfect reading and came across this one called 'These are my footprints'. Too me it was perfect as the tiny footprints we have as a memory mean the world to me. So much so Im looking at getting them tattooed onto my foot.

'These are my tiny footprints, so perfect and so small.
These tiny footprints never touched the ground at all.
Not one tiny footprint, for now I have my wings.
These tiny footprints were meant for other things.
You will hear my tiny footprints, in the patter of the rain.
Gentle drops like angels tears, of joy and not from pain.
You will see my tiny footprints, in each butterflies lazy dance.
I'll let you know I'm with you, if you give me just a chance.
You will see my tiny footprints in the rustle of the leaves.
I will whisper names into the wind, and call each one that grieves.
Most of all these tiny footprints are found in Mummy and Daddy's heart,
cause even though I'm gone now, we'll never truly part.'

The Chaplin put together the rest of the service with beautiful poems and stories taken from a children's book.  One of my favourite Disney films is Tarzan so when trying to choose the perfect song all I could think of was Phill Collins you'll be in my heart. The words just seem so fitting. As soon as it began to play I sobbed and sobbed and sobbed in the arms of Mr C. I think everyone around me cried, and everyone commented on how perfect the song was. 

After the service, and once we had all got ourselves together we did a balloon release. I had found a small verse and each family member wrote their own little words on the bag and together on the count of three we let go. Brodie had his own Balloon and had drawn his own little picture. He let go at the perfect time and shouted 'ooo' at the top of his voice followed by 'Oh Dear' as all the balloons flew off into the sky. It was such a happy ending to what was an incredible emotional morning.  The verse read; 

'Its time for me to leave you, I wont say goodbye,
Look for me in rainbows high up in the sky,
In the evening sunset when all the world is through,
Just look for me and love me and I'll be close to you' 

After the service and ballon release we went along to the local garden Centre for cake and coffee. It was lovely to be around our family all discussing how perfect the service was. 

The hardest part for me was seeing the teeny tiny little coffin knowing my beautiful baby was lying peacefully in there. The whole day was incredibly emotional but I feel more at peace now after giving my baby the goodbye they deserve. We are waiting to collect the ashes and then when we are ready we will find the perfect place to lay them to rest. 

Its been over four weeks now and I miss my baby more everyday. Writing things like this helps me remember that although we never got to bring our baby home and show them the world, they were born and they will forever be apart of us, apart of our family and forever my baby. 

Sweet dreams Baby Carrick 

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