Madly in love with my Husband Adam and proud Mama to our son Brodie James Basil & our rainbow, Ari Rupert. Here you will find me chasing happiness & surviving life after Baby loss.

Thanks for stopping by.

Mrs Carrick x

Thursday, 28 April 2016

Wedding update #3

So with the wedding being nearly 2 weeks away, I thought I would write a post about our latest updates!

I would LOVE to be able to share all our decorations, favours and little bits we have made and planned but I want to keep it a massive surprise for all our guests. So expect lots of blog posts after the wedding!

The last few months have been really tricky for us. There have been a lot of family dramas, a lot of hurtful things said and a lot of changes which have been out of our hands.

However, we are not going to let anything ruin the day we have been dreaming about for 6 years, no matter what else gets thrown at us we can take it...what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger & guess what.....we are still standing!!

I am so excited about our latest booking! We have booked a harpist to play during the ceremony and canapé/champagne celebration! She sounds absolutely amazing and the best part is, she is learning our favourite song especially for us. I cannot wait to walk down the aisle blubbering my eyes out haha! We originally wanted to book a band or a singer but I think we have 100% made the best decision by booking the harpist, she sounds unreal!

The next update is my wedding car! Luckily for me I am being driven in one of Adams clients extremely posh, expensive, vintage car! Its the perfect wedding car and Im not sure who's more excited, myself or my dad! I am getting ready at my house and providing the weather is dry, I'm going to walk up to the church yard where my grandad is buried and be picked up from there. That way I get to wave goodbye as I drive off to my Wedding. Even though we said goodbye 8 years ago this year, it still makes me sad knowing he won't be apart of our big day!

On a lighter note, today I collected my wedding dress!! I am still so so in love with it. It is everything I dreamed off in a dress and Im gutted that Im only going to be wearing it for one day! I am so excited to see Adams face as I walk down the aisle and even more excited knowing that we will have it on film forever! We have recently paid off our videographers and the customer service we have received from them so far is amazing! Im so over the moon that every part of our day, including Adam playing golf in the morning, will be filmed and made into a special film for us to keep and reminisce on forever!

Another massive update is I have gone from three bridesmaids to two.....Unfortunately weddings show people's true colours and with a huge change in circumstances I made the decision to unbridesmaid (if thats even a thing) one of my bridesmaids. On the other hand, planning the wedding has made me even closer to my best friend which is just amazing! She planned the most incredible hen do and Im still now blown away by how much thought and effort she went into making sure every inch of the day was perfect! I really am a lucky Bride!

We recently had the stress of re-booking our honeymoon. Thomson decided to email us, 19 days before we were supposed to depart informing us that the hotel we booked would not be opened in time. They had, without our permission, booked us to go to Mexico. If we were unhappy with that decision we had the choice of three other hotels, one which was adults only so we were unable to book anyhow! The customer service we have received has been absolutely appalling! We then asked for a full refund to be told that it wasn't possible. After quoting their terms and conditions it was agreed that a full refund would be given, so now I'm on the case of claiming compensation as we have paid over £200 for vaccinations which we no longer need!

SO, with the help of a friend who's job used to be booking honeymoons, we are off to a 5 star all inclusive hotel in MAURITIUS! It looks absolutely amazing, we have been upgraded to the 'champagne package' and had so many extras thrown in. The best bit is, Brodie gets a cot on the flight so hopefully will be able to sleep without disturbing his normal routine too much!!

I am currently making and organising Adams wedding present! I could have been boring and gone for the normal wedding watch with the 'don't be late' caption but I wanted to go for something more unique and special! It may be adding to my stress levels but I know just how much he will appreciate it when he receives it on our wedding morning.

I am also struggling to write our vows. Not because I don't know what to say....(probably because I have too much to say), but I don't want it to sound too much like a speech. I want it to be unique to us and short but sweet at the same time! I think that and walking down the aisle in front of 90+ people is what I am most nervous about!

I think that may be enough updates for now, I really don't want to give too much away! It finally feels like it is all coming together and my Pinterest wedding is becoming real!  In 16 days I'm going to be Mrs Carrick and I cannot wait!

Tuesday, 26 April 2016

A Mothers Guilt...

A mothers guilt is the worst feeling you can ever experience as a mother. It is a feeling you just won't be able to understand until you become a mother yourself.

Recently Brodie has been suffering with separation from myself really badly. He's always been grumpy if I've left a room without him. However, at the moment its got to the point where he wants my attention all the time, to be on me physically, and now will not go to sleep unless I sit with him!

Its really tiring and I cannot explain the guilt I feel seeing him so distressed. Is it something that I have done? Have I spent too much time with him? Should I be returning to work? Does he need more time apart from me?

My job as a stay at home mum is too look after him, I don't feel comfortable leaving him with others because its my job, my job to be there? He has never really spent time apart from me, except from my hen do, and whenever he does he spends it with my Mum who he absolutely adores.

Im sure parents who return to work will feel just as guilty juggling working and the guilt of leaving their babies behind, but stay at home mums get mummy guilt too!

I feel guilty if I spend too much time cleaning the house and not enough time playing with him, and then I feel guilty for playing with him too much and not cleaning the house. I am happy that I get to spend every minute at home, (as I am really lucky & I know that) but I feel guilty for wishing I had more time to myself! I feel that I don't plan enough activities, or attend enough baby classes, and then I feel guilty for taking him along to a class that he doesn't really enjoy when he would much rather spend time outside exploring.

The mum guilt could go on forever and anything could turn into a reason to feel guilty but the worst part is definitely feeling like I can't give enough to my son. I know from my studies that he's just developing and learning that objects exist even when they cannot be seen, and I know its just a phase that he will eventually grow out of but nothing can prepare the guilt that goes with it!

The fact I feel this guilty allows me to realise just how much I care. If I didn't care I would have nothing to feel guilty about. I know it has just been a bad day, (he literally wouldn't let me put him down between 3pm-7pm, climbing on me screaming, whining, even sitting on the sofa he had to be on me and not just next to me!) and tomorrow is a new day!

I just hope he realises that no matter what, how much he may tire me or frustrate me, my love for him is more than anything in the world!

Saturday, 9 April 2016

Kitchen renovations

We have just completed another major house renovation and I thought it would be a good idea to write a blog on everything we have achieved, (I say we, I should say Adam) over the last two weeks.