Madly in love with my Husband Adam and proud Mama to our son Brodie James Basil & our rainbow, Ari Rupert. Here you will find me chasing happiness & surviving life after Baby loss.

Thanks for stopping by.

Mrs Carrick x

Sunday, 20 March 2016

Time is going too fast....

Things are changing too fast....time needs to slow down. This time last year I was pregnant counting the days down until I met my son. Now I'm blessed with a happy, healthy, baby boy wishing I could pause time. Brodie is not so much my baby anymore, he's so far out of that new born stage and is so big for his age he looks more like a toddler.

Im just so broody for baby number 2. I really didn't think I would be feeling like this. The plan was to have one child, enjoy a few years as a small family, make the most of every moment, watch him grow and then when Brodie reached the age of 4/5, have baby number 2.

Since having Brodie these plans have changed. I'm adamant that this time next year baby number two will be on its way! (Shortly followed by number 3 & 4)

Im not sure where the last 9 months have gone, but my once tiny, squishy new born baby isn't so small anymore. I've always known children grow up and change quickly. Ive seen it for myself in other children I have cared for. However, nothing will ever prepare you for when its your own. I imagined looking forward to Brodie no longer waking for feeds during the night, or no longer having 7 bottles of milk a day and wanting to be fed every 2 hours, but the truth is, I miss it. Really, really miss it.

I never expected to feel this way, and didn't expect to miss the newborn stage as much as I do. It feels like a lifetime ago we brought our teeney, jaundice new born baby home. We spent a few days in hospital but 6 days later Adam carried our baby out of the hospital and we settled into our new life as a family.

We were so incredibly happy. Soaking it all up, enjoying all the gifts, the cards and messages, and snuggling our baby whilst creating such a special bond. Theres something truly special about these moments. We were in such a honeymoon stage, so full of love, but that new family bubble has long gone. Now we no longer remember life without him. He just fits so perfectly into our world like he's always been there.

It wasn't until recently when talking to a mum who has just had her baby that I realised I don't remember what it feels like to walk around sleep deprived after being up all night with a newborn. She was moaning about how tired she was after being up all night and I was reminiscing on the times that was me with Brodie. There is something special about being awake in the middle of the night feeding your baby. It feels like the rest of the world is asleep and its just you and your baby.

Brodie is now sleeping through the night and closer to being a toddler than he is to being a baby. Im sure it was only yesterday I was washing and ironing tiny first size baby grows. Now I'm buying 12-18 months clothes.

But thats life I suppose. These changes happen even if you do not want them too. Don't get me wrong I love watching him grow and develop, I just wish that time would slow down and I could savour each moment a little longer. I can't imagine this feeling will ever go away. Nor can I imagine not wanting to stop having babies. I can all ready see my self being the parent who boos their eyes out everytime they drop their kid of to pre-school. (He definitely won't be going till he's at least 3)!

No matter what, I feel like the luckiest person in the world to be blessed with my beautiful boy. To be at stay at home mum and share all of those experiences with him. To be the one he snuggles up to when he's tired and the one that cries with him when his teeth cause him pain. To teach him about the world and watch him grow into his own individual person. I can all ready imagine him being the cheeky one, he has the cheesiest grins and I hope he grows up to be confident, knowing that whatever we will always be proud of him.

I feel so lucky that I was given the chance of being a mother and dream of the day our family extends. But for now I will continue feeling sad that time is going so fast but SO SO happy that I have such a happy, content baby who is growing up to the most delightful little boy. We truly are blessed. 

Love you Brodie! x

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