Madly in love with my Husband Adam and proud Mama to our son Brodie James Basil & our rainbow, Ari Rupert. Here you will find me chasing happiness & surviving life after Baby loss.

Thanks for stopping by.

Mrs Carrick x

Tuesday, 9 February 2016

A truhtful post from a first time Mumma

As each month passes I find it hard to come to terms with my baby being a whole month older. In 8 short months he has learnt and grown SO much. He's beginning to take his first independent steps using his baby walker. Before I know it he will be off, bags packed and he wont need his Mumma anymore. I don't think I will ever be ready for that day!

When I see pregnant ladies shopping, buying all the new exciting things needed for their babies arrival I feel jealous. Not in a bitter way, but I know the feeling they are going to experience in a few months time. The feeling when you first meet the little one you've been growing for 9 months and it is the best feeling in the world. I would do anything to experience that feeling again. I want to grab each pregnant lady I see and tell them to cherish each moment because time just flies. No words will ever be able to explain the love you feel when you first hold your newborn baby and no moment in your life will ever compare.

Looking back on the last year, I really, really wish I took more time enjoying each pregnant day. I wish I savoured all the baby shopping with my baby daddy, took more photos of my forever growing bump, because I'm never going to have that ‘first time’ feeling again. The first time you experience a baby scan is amazing, to see your teeny baby on a screen wiggling in front of you, the first time you feel their little kicks or hiccups are even better and the first time you hear their fast beating heart is incredible. 

When I first found out I was pregnant I said goodbye to my career, to future holidays exploring the world, the lay ins and date nights with Mr C. At the time that seemed incredibly scary. Everything we had known for 5 years was suddenly going to change. We had spent the last five years building our lives together, and we are a team, we were ready to have a baby. Ready for our lives to change. 

During pregnancy I was so anxious about how I would cope being a mother. I didn't enjoy being pregnant as I spent every day worrying. I guess that's only natural when you have suffered with years of anxiety after previously hitting rock bottom but I felt like I would struggle, let my baby down and be a rubbish mother!  I was wrong. I don’t feel like I'm a bad parent at all, I feel like I'm a bloody good mother. Im incredibly proud of how myself and Adam have taken to parenthood, no parent is ever perfect but so far we are doing a pretty good job! 

So, Instead of sacrifices, I have gained something incredible. I have gained the most rewarding, happiest job in the world. June the 15th 2015, Brodie was born, and so was Sarah. The Sarah I will be for the rest of my life. 

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