Madly in love with my Husband Adam and proud Mama to our son Brodie James Basil & our rainbow, Ari Rupert. Here you will find me chasing happiness & surviving life after Baby loss.

Thanks for stopping by.

Mrs Carrick x

Tuesday, 29 December 2015

A rant from a C-section mum

If people really believe that C-sections are the easy option they clearly have not experienced it. Although I didn't get to give birth naturally I was pretty damn close. I was in labour for over 12 hours, I pushed for two hours before experiencing the rather pleasant ventouse and forceps. It failed, some may say I failed. But I didn't. I did everything I could, but my baby had his cord round his neck 4 times. This was now an emergency.

I was lying in a delivery suite surrounded by over 8 different midwives and consultants, completely oblivious to how serious my delivery was becoming.  One minute I'm attempting to give birth the next, I'm being sped out of the room, down bright shining corridors into a theatre room. The lights in theatre are brighter, scarier and the amount of people double. I am not kidding when I say at least 20 different people came running out from about 4 different rooms. I couldnt see Ads for ages, he did blend in well wearning his theatre blues, but I finally found him stood against the wall, as white as a sheet, scared.  It wasn't until the next day I begun to understand that not all those people were midwives. There were consultants, midwives, student midwives, anaesthetists, and then paediatricians. All there anxiously doing their best to ensure my baby was born alive. He was. In fact he entered the world screaming his little head off. Im not surprised. It was pretty traumatic.

I experienced labour pains with no pain relief. Gas and air is absolutely hideous. It just made me sick. I had no choice but to just breath through the pains and hope for the best. But no pain, no pain in the world will ever compare to the pain I felt as the surgeons ripped (i mean ripped with their fingers, one surgeon pulls you from one side, the other from the other side) me apart to deliver my baby. He arrived within 4 minutes of me entering the room. They attempted to numb me and don't get me wrong, I had some pain relief, but not completely. My epidural failed for the 2nd time which meant I could feel everything down one side. They did not have time to fuss over my pain relief. They spray you with cold air in hope you can't feel it, but I could.

After me screaming and causing the worlds biggest fuss. They stuck a lovely face mask on me and gave me pain relief through a mask. Although this again didn't stop the horrendous feeling and hideous pain as they stitched me back together, (which takes about half hour may I add) it made me feel all funny and there I was watching my love with our beautiful son. If it was not for that moment I don't know how I would have got through. Ads reminds me daily of the silly things I was saying whilst breathing in this pain relief. Apparently i told the anaesthetist, an Indian looking guy, he used to be my taxi driver. The awkwardness the next day when he came to visit me was unbelievable.

However, its not just the C-section itself that causes pain, its the recovery.  The first time I stood I passed out on the floor. The pain was so unbearable. I couldn't sit up right, I couldn't lift my baby and I couldn't walk or stand. I was so frail and broken. The love of your baby gets you through, gets you going and gives you the determination to fight through the pain.  (the strong pain killers also help too)

As the wound started to pull tighter and heal the pain got worse. Lets face it, they hardly had time to be nice and think about the pain they would cause me whilst ripping me apart. But one surgeoun definitely pulled harder than the other. My left side caused me SO much pain. You don't realise how much you need your stomach muscles until they are ripped apart. You can't laugh, cough, lift or pull yourself up. You basically become a hermit. Unable to move.

After the 5th day of being bed bound, stuck staring at the same 4 walls, my amazing other half decided to take me out in a wheel chair, To begin with I refused although at the same time, a trip to Costa Coffee and something other than a broken TV to look at seemed like a good idea. However I couldn't. I physically couldn't sit upright in the wheelchair. The pain was so extreme I was sat in tears, and although I was determined, the pain won and back into bed I went.

When we were finally able to go home all I could think about was how I was going to walk out the hospital door. Of course I was going too, I had been stuck in hospital for 6 days. But the pain was horrendous, I had tears in my eyes the whole way. As soon as we got out the door, I leant on the wall and waited for Adam to bring the car round.

You always dream about putting your baby in the car for the first time but all I could think about was sitting down and taking more pain killers. The recovery once we got home was then long. Adam still had to do majority of things, (at least I got out of the housework for a while) and even 6 weeks later, If I over did it, went on too long a walk, the pain would be back. Now I'm left with a wonky scar. A scar that brings back horrendous memories. I would do it all over again ( I may not have a choice) but how I pray the surgeons are kinder next time.

Now I can't say I have experienced natural labour. I hope that one day I do, but never say having a C-section is an easy way out. Because lets face it, its really not.

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