Madly in love with my Husband Adam and proud Mama to our son Brodie James Basil & our rainbow, Ari Rupert. Here you will find me chasing happiness & surviving life after Baby loss.

Thanks for stopping by.

Mrs Carrick x

Thursday, 12 November 2015

Falling in love with a moment

I have ummed and arred about posting this post for so long because I did not want other people to get the wrong impressions but here we go!

I saw this quote and it made me stop and think;

'Have you ever fallen in love with a moment? With its magic, its irrelevance to reality and its reassuring spirit? I have, I have and I wish you too find the moment, your moment, the one that will feel as if heaven has lent you a few of its intriguing moments' 

It instantly brought me back to a special moment, the first time I ever saw Adam holding Brodie.

This moment will forever be my favourite. I remember the first time I held Brodie. Of course I loved it, those skin to skin snuggles were the most precious few moments but nothing beats watching the man you love with your child. Something you have both wanted for so long.

After the emergency C section I was so limited in movement, couldn't lift Brodie out of his cot or stand for more than a few moments without being in hideous amounts of pain. For this reason Adam had to do everything for me, shower me, help me to the toilet, dress me, inject me with blood thinners and keep me laughing through all the tears and roller coaster of emotions. Not only did he have to do everything for me, he had to do everything for Brodie. Run down the corridor at 1am and 4am to make a bottle, lift him out of his cot to pass him to me, wash and sterilise all the bottles, sleep on a hospital floor for 6 days just so he could be there for us and deal with the doctors and nurses who would keep coming back with bad news!

I had dreamed of doing all those things for Brodie when he first arrived yet there I was bed bound and unable too, I felt completely useless. It was frustrating, but I was so so lucky that Adam was incredible. Its when your put in a situation like that I realised how much love Adam gives me every single day. Flowers and presents are nice but those real moments of love are amazing. You wont know what love is until you experience a moment like this.

In six months time we will be getting married and I will gain a new surname. The same surname the rest of my family share. Do not get me wrong I am so incredibly excited for our wedding day. Its a day we have spoken about for six years. It will be a day full of love and happiness surrounded by our favourite friends and family.

But people always say weddings are the happiest day of your life. However if its not the happiest day of my life I won't stress, theres many more moments in my life left to come. I want a marriage more beautiful than our wedding. Am I going to worry over making sure everything is perfect so people don't judge me? No. A wedding is a party, not a performance. It will be an amazing day, I will marry my childhood sweetheart, have my son in my arms and fall in love all over again.

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